Fixing problems

My life is one problem right after another. I have the uncanny knack of tearing up lawn mowers. I have bent blades, broke shafts, had my dog chew the pull rope off, and managed to destroy the self-propel mechanism on 2 mowers. Once, when I was a kid growing up in Turley, I drove my grandpas riding mower right into a barn door, while the mower was in high gear. I was not paying attention to notice there was a barn just ahead. I was showing off to a neighborhood kid how the riding mower could pop a wheelie when Craftsman mower met barn door. It hit is hard, bounce back, and did a series of bounces lunging back again and again ramming the barn door. It through me forward, and my knee broke of the ignition key so I could not turn it off. I bailed immediately and my grandpa came running and jumped on the mower like a runaway bronco, and put the mower in neutral (doh!) and then raised the motor cover and pulled the plug wire. All of my life, I never heard my grandpa cuss, and this time, he showed great restraint. Oh, I knew he was pissed and asked me what in "tarnation" was I doing? (Is "tarnation" a bad word?) I got the chore of fixing the barn door, and my grandpa replaced the broken headlights on the mower and straightened the bent parts.

But back to the present day....right now, I have 5 push mowers. Two cheapies (129.00 Wal-mart specials) that have bent shafts and will not work. A used Murray that has the push handle bent (I bought it that way), and a Troy-Bilt with the self propel feature messed up and the front wheels will not turn at all, and a Lawn Boy that just won't start at all. Also, an old Craftsman riding mower that is wore out although I have put some excessive wear on it, and a new Sears riding mower that I have messed a blade and shaft up. A neighbor driving down the street stopped after seeing all the mowers and asked if I worked on mowers and had any good ones for sale. I just laughed....maniacally...and then offered him a beer.

The awesome idea to have goats to keep the back yard at bay did not work all that well. They ate the grass that they liked, and then decided trees tasted better. Then they got to looking at the neighbors garden and I am sure it must have tasted better than the weeds I was asking them to eat. People probably thought I was kidding about eating them, but hey....I grew up in Turley and goat was dinner on many a Sunday after church. Goat problem solved.

And, I finally have a great idea for my bionic grass that I so slothfully have let get out of hand. This idea will keep me from running a badly tuned lawn mower on these Ozone Alert days, and who knows....might even bring in some tourism dollars into the Tulsa economy. The answer? This sign is going right in my front yard!! Of course, there is the small issue of me having concreted all of my front yard. My snooty neighbor to the east made a call to the city inspector, and I got to visit with him last night. Turns out, he is an ex Turley native himself, and after a cold one and some excellent barbecue, he decided he could probably make this little permit violation disappear if I could send him home with another rack of those great ribs. I was happy to oblige. After feeding the goats nothing but weeds for 4 weeks, I thought the meat had a gamy taste and was a little on the tough side.